Alternatives to selfcontrol12/14/2022 ![]() ![]() 5 Perhaps if people like Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton had higher self-control, they would have stayed faithful in their relationships-and avoided significant public embarrassment. 4 High self-control in relationships would seem to discourage interpersonal problems, such as attentiveness to alternative partners, which may lead to lower relationship satisfaction and extra-relationship affairs. Self-control appears to be similarly beneficial in this domain: for instance, having high self-control underlies one’s ability to keep promises, a behavior that may foster trust between partners. Given the positive outcomes of self-control for individual success and general interpersonal functioning, 3 recent research has begun to examine how self-control operates in romantic relationships. ![]() Having adequate trait self-control is good, because it helps us meet personal goals, persist on difficult tasks, avoid harm, and function as socially competent beings (e.g., by following norms for public behavior). The ability to exercise self-control might depend on temporary circumstances, such as how much self-control you’ve recently exerted 1,2 however, some people are just naturally better at regulating their emotions and behaviors overall, meaning they have high dispositional (“trait”) self-control. Having self-control is important because it keeps us from acting on unwanted or undesirable impulses so that we can achieve some other goal (e.g., maintaining social harmony or losing weight). For example, it takes self-control to resist yelling at someone who cuts in line it takes self-control for a dieter to decline a second piece of cake. Self-control refers to the deliberate process of suppressing one’s impulses and altering one’s behavior, especially in alignment with social values and expectations. Although “birds of a feather” may flock together, do those similarly-feathered birds always have the best relationships over the long flight ahead? Recent research on self-control suggests that the answer is both yes and no. ![]() Partners’ level of similarity in their values, backgrounds, and life goals promotes attraction and relationship success. ![]()
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